20 years of Grief

I approach this Thursday with trepidation and tears. On Thursday it will be 20 years since my Mother died. Yesterday was 20 years since my last conversation with her.

Where did those years go? How have I changed since?

I mourned, and still grieve what I have lost, and what my son has lost in not knowing his Grandmother.

I fell out of love. I moved house continually, as I searched for me.

I fell in love.

I married.

I became a parent – an orphan parent – whose offspring will never know their grandparents apart from the wild stories I can tell of them.

I became a Mortgaged wage slave, then sold that, downsized and became Mortgage free.

I lost good friends; to murder and cancer.  Some “friends” could not stand me grieving, so they left me. But I gained good friends who are now my family. I treasure those who are not part of my life by choice.

I lost parts of my family, because the family fractured when my Mum died. I miss the closeness of being with those who were there through the days and years of my Mother’s last days.

I have had three separate careers…not including motherhood, and now am back to where my 16 year old self would have wanted me to be.

I still remember my last conversation with my mother even though her voice is now lost to me. I visit her in dreams, but wish she was here, just for a moment to see my life now.

I speak openly of my grief, I don’t hide it as society wishes me to.

I talk to those who have lost and are losing loved ones.

I have become so much more, but a small part of me wishes I had more years with my Mum and then my Dad.

The loss will always be with me.

Every action and reaction is formed by it.

It did not break me, just remade me, into a better me.

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

w

Connecting to %s

A Teaching Life

"The art of teaching is the art of assisting discovery." Mark Van Doren

A Library Lady

News and views from the world of children's books and libraries

Information Science, Library and Archives Internships

Internship, Fellowship and Residency opportunities for those interested in gaining hands-on experience in the field of Information Science, Libraries & affiliated Archives and Museums

Nalini Singh's Weblog

Thoughts, Ideas and so much more

Earth and Skye

The ramblings of a bibliophile.

The Comic Vault

Unlock your inner geek and step inside!

Supernerds UK

If it's Geeky we're talking about it!

spooky52librarian

A site about Books, Libraries, Records and Archives and Web 2.0 Technologies

All It Takes Is A Little Love

Stories and Anecdotes by Sharron Little Burnett

Tripwire Theatre Inc.

Central Victoria - Theatre Lives Here

The 30 Second Archive

The Persistence of Memory - The Impermanence of Meaning

Violet's Vegan Comics

Vegan Children's Stories

Dining with Donald

Donald on dining in and out

Reads & Reels

Book and Movie Reviews/ Favourites/ Up and Coming/ Pop Culture

The Movie My Life

No Spoilers Movie Reviews, Commentary & Interesting New Movie Trailers

Tostada Magazine

Detroit food culture and community

Hit or Miss Books

Honest reviews for children's, middle grade, teen and adult books.

Outspoken and Freckled

Kellee writes about classic & modern film, retro TV... and life's adventures, with a sassy Irish passion.

scatterplot

the unruly darlings of public sociology

Aaron Dembski-Bowden

Don't worry. None of this blood is mine.

Kent MacDonald

Leadership & Higher Education

Comedy Simon

Reviewing the world's best comedy

Stair na hÉireann/History of Ireland

Irish History, Culture, Heritage, Language, Mythology

Library Things

The musings of your Avila University librarians

MASCrapping

MASCuline SCRAPPING - Scrapbooking by men for men

99.9 Voice FM Ballarat

Ballarat Community Radio

Empty Nest, Full Life

Formerly: PostDepartumDepression Thoughts about the "post Mommy" years of life

Lifelong Learning Matters

Formerly "WEA Director for Education's Blog" - Ann Walker

Erica DeCima

Once a foster child, Always a foster child

Nerd Feed

Movie News, Trailers & Reviews

Keithlovesmovies

Movies, TV, and so much more. Don't forget to disable your add blocker!

Your Rainforest Mind

Support For The Excessively Curious, Creative, Smart & Sensitive

Jace Inspires

#jace believes that every life has a purpose. This site is here to inspire you until you unlock your greatest strengths.

Success Inspirers World

Opportunities and Blessings for Everyone

small movies, big world

An amateur guide to independent cinema

Sophia Riley Kobacker

it's all about the story, possums...

International Librarians Network

A meeting place for librarians from around the world.

The Traveling Librarian

Anything and everything about how to become involved in libraries beyond your doorstep.

The Plastic-Free Chef

Reducing Kitchen Waste

Manga Toritsukareru Koto

"We are not obsessed. We just need anime and manga in our life."

%d bloggers like this: