Why is it that in this world of ours that we fail to acknowledge the impact that grief and loss has on our lives? That it’s easier to ignore these strong overwhelming emotions and just hope for the best?
I hit a wall two weeks ago, I’d moved house, started a new job and was trying to be the best supportive Mother and partner I could be. Then the anniversary of my Dad’s death came and went – I happened to start the job on his death day, and so had pushed and pushed my loss so deep, that it was there – a cold lump of sorrow burrowed so deep that it ached in the lonely hours of the night.
It emerged on a Saturday following the start of the new job, it erupted, bringing with it near hysterical tears and sobbing. The type of breaking in two sorrow, that I’ve felt before, and had so hard to ignore.
But this is the thing about sorrow, no matter how hard you push it down, try to ignore it or move on. It catches you and freezes you until it emerges, strong and fierce and at times frightening for all. Because we are not built to hide this type of emotion – even though in this society of ours, strong emotions are feared and ignored.
I had thought that I had moved past this time, but realise now that in times of extreme stress I have to be more careful on how far I am pushing myself. That by heaping all that stress onto my shoulders, my grief would need an outlet. An opportunity to feel the losses of all those folk I’ve known and loved. To allow myself this opportunity to grieve openly and for as long as it took to get that sorrow out.
It worked, I’d never felt so at peace then I did afterwards, I felt cleansed of the hard cold sorrow, and the fire of my grief.
I wonder how many folk try to carry on, to try and hide this grief, when it should be allowed to emerge….do you hide yours?